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This moment of not knowing
is like being on the ledge.
I climbed down the cliff face
wanting a better view.
My mood turned to desperation
when I realized that the ledge
on which I stood offered
no route down, and
the return to the top was
too steep to climb.
I don't remember if I cried.
I talked to God. Shamefully,
I made a deal.
Something about being a better
person and living as a Christian
should. Perhaps I promised
to give away my possessions
and follow Jesus.
I faced the cliff, and I climbed
it. The smallest cracks
and edges of rock I clung to. I put
my trust in a bit of something
growing, or having grown but
now dead, and it did not fail me.
Arriving at the top, sprawled
on my stomach, I rested a moment
feeling the awful weight of
the promise I had made.
Tomorrow is my colonoscopy
and upper GI endoscopy.
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