The ants have decided to share my home. No knock at the door, "May we come in and live with you?" They are too busy with their business, shuttling back and forth their hard won bits of food, sweet, and moisture. I have no place in my heart for them. Smashing them flat works for a while. Since I despise and fear them, it is satisfying, even gratifying, to do this. One at a time or in groups I squish them, flatten them, step on them. They mock me and keep coming. They are hungry. They collect their dead and drag away the bodies. Sometimes working together, sometimes singly. Tugging and pulling. I suppose they eat their own. By killing them, I have fed them. Then there is poison. I tried that. Bait traps. You buy them in the grocery store in the next aisle after the laundry detergent. Take them home and open the package, fearing the poison. "Take that you suckers! Take the poison home with you-- back to your queen. Feed her unknowingly the ant- hemlock, arthropod-draino, insect-put-your-head- in-the-oven-and-die- elixir." I've had enough of this. Time for the vacuum cleaner. Poison takes so long. At least this way I have visible results. I wait for them as they march along the trail. Sometimes two, sometimes three, sometimes more. They stagger their pattern to fool me. But I am not fooled! Like a great god I see them from above, turn on the vacuum and bring the nozzle close. The little fellers try to hold on. "Whoa, what's that wind? I don't know what this is. If I can just hold... on..." Zip. Up he goes and through the hose. You might think this a foolish way to get rid of ants, but I have great patience when I can see the results. When I know I am not leaving behind dead bodies which feed them or inspire them to mourn and continue in their zeal. No this is much better. This works, because it is unknown. No word travels back to the colony about what happened. No telltale scent of death on the trail. Only abduction. Mysterious. Blown away by the wind. I wait for them like a sniper. It takes hours. Eventually their numbers dwindle. Such a feeling of victory, to have conquered the ants! At night in my office. It is warm and my window is open. I hear rustling in the brush and dry leaves.
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